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Eliza
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PostSubject: TFN History Edits   Wed Jan 14, 2015 2:35 pm

I think that the new histories for TFN could use a final polish before publication, and since Zer0 doesn't mind me being the nit-picky grammar person I am, have some edits proposed by yours truly. Very Happy  Feel free to add, correct and pick apart to your liking.

Edit: Whoops, only just now noticed that the text was bolded everywhere. Removed that in the spoilers.

Template:

Name:
Description:
Effect:
Note:

Name: 24-Hour Locksmith
Spoiler:
 

Name: Abused Altar Boy
Spoiler:
 

Name: Adventuring Historian
Spoiler:
 

Name: African Culturist
Spoiler:
 

Name: Airport Greeter
Spoiler:
 

Name: Aspiring Tattoo Composer
Spoiler:
 

Name: Blackhat
Spoiler:
 

Name: Certified Dog Catcher
Spoiler:
 

Name: Circus Freak
Spoiler:
 

Name: Creepy Curator
Spoiler:
 

Name: Curious Chronicler
Spoiler:
 

Name: Desperate Lab Rat
Spoiler:
 

Name: Eccentric Librarian
Spoiler:
 

Name: Eerie Yoga Instructor
Spoiler:
 

Name: Evangelist Bartender
Spoiler:
 

Name: Foreign Recruit
Spoiler:
 

Name: Gym Consigliere
Spoiler:
 

Name: Hard Timin' It
Spoiler:
 

Name: Homeless
Spoiler:
 

Name: Jack of Blades
Spoiler:
 

Name: Loan Officer
Spoiler:
 

Name: M.M.A. Fighter
Spoiler:
 

Name: Maleficent Magnate
Spoiler:
 

Name: Malevolent Lemonade Stand
Spoiler:
 

Name: Miss Custodian
Spoiler:
 

Name: Missionary of Burden
Spoiler:
 

Name: Nocturnal Road Crew
Spoiler:
 

Name: Nuclear Technician
Spoiler:
 

Name: Paranormal Investigator
Spoiler:
 

Name: Pop Culture Icon
Spoiler:
 

Name: Practitioner of Evil
Spoiler:
 

Name: Precise Sharpshooter
Spoiler:
 

Name: Professional Arm Wrestler
Spoiler:
 

Name: Provocative Action Star
Spoiler:
 

Name: Queen of Blades
Spoiler:
 

Name: Rent-A-Thug
Spoiler:
 

Name: Sexy Kleptomaniac
Spoiler:
 

Name: Sinister Daycare Worker
Spoiler:
 

Name: Talented Mortician
Spoiler:
 

Name: Tenacious Gumshoe
Spoiler:
 

Name: The Amazing Pharaoh
Spoiler:
 

Name: The Kneecapper
Spoiler:
 

Name: The Scarlet Gypsy
Spoiler:
 

Name: The Unseen
Spoiler:
 

Name: Tiny Dancer
Spoiler:
 

Name: Withdrawn Track Star
Spoiler:
 

Name: Women's Gym Instructor
Spoiler:
 

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"... And the lord set a mark upon Caine lest any finding him should kill him and the mark was ..."

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Last edited by Eliza on Wed Jan 14, 2015 3:53 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Eliza
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Wed Jan 14, 2015 2:39 pm

So, as for what I did: A lot of the changes I made were polish, like adding commas where necessary, breaking up sentences or fusing them together to vary the structure a bit or bring out some details, as well as a lot of minor typo corrections which aren't detected by automatic spell-checking. When I did rewrite a phrase, I tried to preserve the meaning and just use simpler, shorter and overall more concise wording.

Believe it or not, that was a lot of fun to do. Zer0, these histories are really well-written in and of themselves, and it felt great to try and give them even more shine through these little touch-ups. Smile I can't wait to play the new TFN!

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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Wed Jan 14, 2015 3:22 pm

WOW, Eliza! I'm impressed, shocked, and excited! These are really good, and though I haven't read them all yet, I'm already seeing changes that I really like and want to use. Thanks for all of your hard work and I'll begin importing these polished descriptions into the game. There's a couple few minor things I'll want to change but on the whole, I'll plan on using your re-writes. Thanks a ton for helping out, and if you have any ideas for more descriptions and histories, let me know, I'd like to fill these out as much as possible for maximum variety and replay value.

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Eliza
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Wed Jan 14, 2015 3:30 pm

You're welcome! Very Happy Sadly, I'm way better at editing than writing new content, especially for the VtM setting (ask Claudia about that, she's been waiting on a new post in the roleplaying forum for way too long <_<), so this is the best I can give. I can look over other stuff if you have any (journal entries, item descriptions and emails come to mind), however. study

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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Wed Jan 14, 2015 3:44 pm

Quote :
Believe it or not, that was a lot of fun to do. Zer0, these histories are really well-written in and of themselves, and it felt great to try and give them even more shine through these little touch-ups. Smile I can't wait to play the new TFN!

We make one hell of a team, Eliza!! Smile

Don't worry about brand new material, I'm pretty good at coming up with new descriptions and stories, but these touch-ups are top notch and really add the shine I've been looking for. The more I'm cutting and pasting into the histories000.txt file, the more I'm liking your changes. I really think people are going to enjoy these elaborate backgrounds and will hopefully provide some depth to their characters, and make TFN less about min/maxing and more about ROLE-playing.
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kyoden
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Thu Jan 15, 2015 10:50 am

Well done!
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Thu Jan 15, 2015 11:37 am

Incredible. Now I see how much my English went down after all those years with Arabic students... Sad
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Thu Jan 15, 2015 1:31 pm

Feral wrote:
Incredible. Now I see how much my English went down after all those years with Arabic students... Sad

I don't understand anything you're saying here, please speak English. lol!
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Thu Jan 15, 2015 1:44 pm

Zer0Morph wrote:
Feral wrote:
Incredible. Now I see how much my English went down after all those years with Arabic students... Sad

I don't understand anything you're saying here, please speak English. lol!


affraid
You know, for a second I thought you were serious...
Fur on my neck rose in fear, you evildoer, you...

Well... It is not so visible in my written English. Spoken one on the other hand starts to reek of "more better" and such...
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Thu Jan 15, 2015 2:47 pm

Feral wrote:
affraid
You know, for a second I thought you were serious...
Fur on my neck rose in fear, you evildoer, you...

Well... It is not so visible in my written English. Spoken one on the other hand starts to reek of "more better" and such...

Haha no, your English is wonderful and I'm sure you're spoken English is wonderful as well. I admire anyone who can speak 2 or more languages with fluency. I'm still learning Spanish but I've come a long way with it.
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Thu Jan 15, 2015 2:50 pm

Zer0Morph wrote:
Feral wrote:
affraid
You know, for a second I thought you were serious...
Fur on my neck rose in fear, you evildoer, you...

Well... It is not so visible in my written English. Spoken one on the other hand starts to reek of "more better" and such...

Haha no, your English is wonderful and I'm sure you're spoken English is wonderful as well. I admire anyone who can speak 2 or more languages with fluency. I'm still learning Spanish but I've come a long way with it.

Thanks, man! Embarassed
I wish I finally got round relearning the language of my German ancestors...
Or learning the one of the Kosher ones.
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Thu Jan 15, 2015 3:46 pm

Feral wrote:
Thanks, man! Embarassed
I wish I finally got round relearning the language of my German ancestors...
Or learning the one of the Kosher ones.

Well wolves and dogs rarely know any languages except panting, barking, and growling, so the fact that you know 2 (or more) languages is very impressive!
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Thu Jan 15, 2015 4:13 pm

Zer0Morph wrote:
Feral wrote:
Thanks, man! Embarassed
I wish I finally got round relearning the language of my German ancestors...
Or learning the one of the Kosher ones.

Well wolves and dogs rarely know any languages except panting, barking, and growling, so the fact that you know 2 (or more) languages is very impressive!

Wolves do not bark for the most part. Howling, panting and growling it is. And body language, which is overlooked in most cases.

I speak Polish and English fluently. Shamefully, I forgot German, which I once spoke almost fluently, almost totally. As a bonus I learned a bit of Arabic, but their throaty phonetics is mostly a no-go for me...

After many years of living with dogs I learned their body language too. Does it count?Very Happy
Sadly, the only use of that is to make dog owners shocked. Because why would their big, aggressive dogs like me out of a sudden? Twisted Evil People are so often blind...
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Childe of Malkav
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Thu Jan 15, 2015 4:39 pm

Zer0Morph wrote:
...and I'm sure you're spoken English...
Go easy on the apostrophes, Zer0. Razz

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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Thu Jan 15, 2015 5:55 pm

Eliza wrote:
You're welcome! Very Happy  Sadly, I'm way better at editing than writing new content, especially for the VtM setting (ask Claudia about that, she's been waiting on a new post in the roleplaying forum for way too long <_<), so this is the best I can give. I can look over other stuff if you have any (journal entries, item descriptions and emails come to mind), however. study
Can you edit some of these histories for the Camarilla clans (plus City Gangrel)? Or maybe rewrite some of the original histories to allow for feat boni like in Zer0's histories?
I want to make a character creation system that requires this kind of histories for the mod I'm working on.

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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Thu Jan 15, 2015 6:10 pm

Childe of Malkav wrote:
Can you edit some of these histories for the Camarilla clans (plus City Gangrel)?  Or maybe rewrite some of the original histories to allow for feat boni like in Zer0's histories?
I want to make a character creation system that requires this kind of histories for the mod I'm working on.

How much are you planning on paying here? I had to do a series of side-favors to get her to edit my work. She may ask you to climb a mountain and pick a flower at the top, or something. Razz
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Thu Jan 15, 2015 7:31 pm

Zer0Morph wrote:
Childe of Malkav wrote:
Can you edit some of these histories for the Camarilla clans (plus City Gangrel)?  Or maybe rewrite some of the original histories to allow for feat boni like in Zer0's histories?
I want to make a character creation system that requires this kind of histories for the mod I'm working on.

How much are you planning on paying here? I had to do a series of side-favors to get her to edit my work. She may ask you to climb a mountain and pick a flower at the top, or something. Razz
If necessary, I'll do that. Or try to haggle her down to a flower in a valley. flower

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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Fri Jan 16, 2015 1:00 am

After all a valley is just an upside down mountain.
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Fri Jan 16, 2015 1:29 am

Childe of Malkav wrote:

If necessary, I'll do that. Or try to haggle her down to a flower in a valley. flower

WAIT! Did I just witness a German tell a joke?!?!?! affraid
lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Fri Jan 16, 2015 4:18 am

Zer0Morph wrote:

WAIT! Did I just witness a German tell a joke?!?!?!  affraid
lol! lol! lol!
It happens. But gon't get used to it... Laughing
Usually people here are too preocupied with trying to sound "american" because that's cool and modern. But they are at a complete loss if they actually are in an english conversation. What a Face

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Eliza
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Fri Jan 16, 2015 11:23 am

Childe of Malkav wrote:
Eliza wrote:
You're welcome! Very Happy  Sadly, I'm way better at editing than writing new content, especially for the VtM setting (ask Claudia about that, she's been waiting on a new post in the roleplaying forum for way too long <_<), so this is the best I can give. I can look over other stuff if you have any (journal entries, item descriptions and emails come to mind), however. study
Can you edit some of these histories for the Camarilla clans (plus City Gangrel)?  Or maybe rewrite some of the original histories to allow for feat boni like in Zer0's histories?
I want to make a character creation system that requires this kind of histories for the mod I'm working on.

I'm not sure what exactly you want me to do - I think most of the TFN histories could be copy-pasted into your new mod, if you were so inclined and Zer0 wouldn't mind, since they're basically concepts for a human character pre-Embrace. There's not necessarily a direct link to the TFN clans for most of them (necessary disclaimer so that we don't get in an off-topic argument about this).
I'd be more comfortable with rewriting the original histories than creating new ones from scratch. What I did for Zer0's histories was really just clean-up, I couldn't create them as well as he did, so I can't make this lightning strike twice. You're better off asking more creative people for that. Of course, I can proofread any new concepts others have, that's a-okay.

Zer0Morph wrote:
Childe of Malkav wrote:
Can you edit some of these histories for the Camarilla clans (plus City Gangrel)?  Or maybe rewrite some of the original histories to allow for feat boni like in Zer0's histories?
I want to make a character creation system that requires this kind of histories for the mod I'm working on.

How much are you planning on paying here? I had to do a series of side-favors to get her to edit my work. She may ask you to climb a mountain and pick a flower at the top, or something. Razz

Liar! lol!  From the way you worded your reply in the original histories topic, I almost wouldn't have bothered to touch the histories at all. Had it not been for my pedantic nature, I'd have dropped my offer. Better be glad I'm such a stereotypical German who wants to get everything just right. Laughing (On that note, I found some more typos I made while editing the histories. But if I correct these now, there'll never be an end to it, so nevermind.)

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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Fri Jan 16, 2015 12:22 pm

Eliza wrote:
Liar! lol!  From the way you worded your reply in the original histories topic, I almost wouldn't have bothered to touch the histories at all. Had it not been for my pedantic nature, I'd have dropped my offer. Better be glad I'm such a stereotypical German who wants to get everything just right. Laughing (On that note, I found some more typos I made while editing the histories. But if I correct these now, there'll never be an end to it, so nevermind.)

It's true, I was insulted at first, then I was like, well, okay let's see if you can do better. But then I got your work all laid out in a professional way, began reading them, and was blown away at the re-writes. So I did what any lead developer would do, I stuck my foot back in my mouth and praised you for a job well done, HAHA!
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Fri Jan 16, 2015 12:52 pm

Zer0Morph wrote:
(blablabla) I stuck my foot back in my mouth and (blablabla)

You do yoga? Shocked







Sorry lol!
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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Fri Jan 16, 2015 1:56 pm

Feral wrote:
(blablabla) I stuck my foot back in my mouth and (blablabla)

You do yoga? Shocked

Sorry lol!

HAHA! You got me! lol!

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PostSubject: Re: TFN History Edits   Fri Jan 16, 2015 5:50 pm

Feral wrote:
Zer0Morph wrote:
(blablabla) I stuck my foot back in my mouth and (blablabla)

You do yoga? Shocked
Yoda? Why does Zer0 need Star Wars to apologize? scratch

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