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  1. avatar
    Mon Aug 02, 2010 2:43 pm
    Message by 8people - Re: insight into malkavian mind
    I am very well aware of flat affect, psychosis, autism and related disorders across the breadth of the scale, schizoid personality disorders, fugue, synesthesia, trigger point amnesia and photographic retention. I know them very well indeed.

    By overshooting, consider someone implying kindness in a character. Generally that would involve writing them performing nice things without ulterior motive and with relative frequency. Writing the character as giving all material wealth to orphans, working endlessly for the beenfit of others and eventually succumbing to exhaustion as they have not tended their own physical needs for days at a time is overshooting. As your experience is intense - it intensified that aspect of the character beyond other aspects of her personality.

    The human mind generally retains a third of read or presented material after 24 hours, so something mentioned in description early on is generally retained for a good proportion of the story read or the presentation given. Is why when you have to abandon a novel halfway through you usually end up reading it all again, or a specific author seems sex obsessed where they write stories over a long period of time it seems like it's been a while since they wrote something raunchy... whilst within two hours of reading the said novel in paper form they've barely had their clothes on for an hour Suspect Writing what you know is good, don't get me wrong, but looking closer at what you have never experienced or know little of can shed new light on what you know and expands your repetoire of subject material. Even if you can't relate to the material directly, you can still draw links and reactions to a subject.

    I briefly studied celtic languages (something I hope to get into again sometime soon) and as a result looked at a lot of myths as personal interest and material. A lot of the detachment in the speak tends to be from 'piece-tales' where the spoken stories are taken together and put together into something not quite whole. Similar to if you read the original Hans Christian Anderson scripts, where the tales were pieced together from various sources the original stories are incredibly odd to read where the different variants of a tale didn't quite fit together. Fables follow in a similar vein (though rarely greek ones, strangely) as they are designed as a warning against action rather than purpose. If it was designed as an observational narrative then that is fair, if you attempt a similar narrative in future might I reccomend the presense of fewer characters per scene? the writing style is better suited to focus upon one or two individuals and their environment at a time, it brings greater clarity to action and reaction and gives it a certain... 'bounce' as keeping up with particular actions have a more driven flow without the background sound of "wasn't x or y around here somewhere?" a contrast between being by yourself in a nice field where you can observe and take in things in your leisure and being in a town where you also have to be aware of others around you.

    Disgraceful towards the cultures as it was a discredit to them, it drew upon steretypical themes that were not wholly accurate, yet responded on the basis of those themes. Even the most popular writers of widest reknown are guilty of doing exactly the same things, taking a culture they respect and admire - yet taking the 'first pick' of knowledge. I could go into family history and the odd amalgamations that form among most familys, but I shall simply state some of the few purely traditional families are scarily overbearing. Shocked (People who believe the man who burnt his wife to death as he believed her to be a changeling was a man doing the right thing. Among other such delights)

    Getting stuck on identifying words is generally associate with Dyspraxia more than Dylsexia, it's a verbal reflex where remember definition without context if I remember rightly. Sods law is that you always get the word five minutes before it's completely too late. Such as walking out of an exam hall.

    I've had similar problems with chapter continuity. I read through a novel I started writing a year ago and had the oddest feeling of deja vu. Turned out I had written the same chapter pretty much verbatim twice. I think in your story a fair bit of the disjointed aspect comes from the lining sequences you use. Several of the later chapters are broken up in a way it's easier to process the information while in some it's a bit of a ponytail of text that loses cohesion when keeping track of where the active character changes in different breaks.

    Caine the taxi driver is from the game files, all the files for the end game taxi driver that Jack makes you use are prefixed with 'Caine' partly to wind people up, partly because there is actual logic to it - Jack is a cannon WoD character and has a Malkavian friend who was interested in Noddist lore, however, as he read more into it he became CONVINCED that he actually WAS Caine. He is the end-game taxi driver and also the character that appears in the end video behind Jack and the mummified body.

    I finished reading your story through the morning after posting. Before even responding to your original PM. I am not a critic. I was a writer and editor as well as providing assistance within literature workshops. If I had dismissed your story I wouldn't have even commented on it, you object to my use of disgraceful and crass - one for the use of poorly accrediting cultures, another for unrefined and insensible use of plot points. If those synonyms suite you better then I shall use them. To describe the words themselves as horrifying is the weight you are presuming is behind them. This is purely text, afterall.
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